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Physical effort: Low Frontal

Foreplay (Preliminaries)

What we call 'foreplay' is, for many people, the essential part. It isn't a formality before sex: it's the moment when desire grows, the body gets ready and the connection builds. Giving it time often makes what comes next more comfortable and more enjoyable.

Also known as: foreplay · preliminaries · warm-up · building desire

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Illustration of Foreplay (Preliminaries): Foreplay covers everything that awakens desire before (and during) sex: kisses, caresses, words, massages, oral and manual sex, external stimulation… There are
Anatomy and biomechanics

The activation phase of the sexual response: prior stimulation (touch, visual, verbal) triggers genital vasodilation, lubrication and the muscle relaxation needed for comfortable, pleasurable sex. It's especially relevant for arousal of the vulva and natural lubrication; caring for it reduces discomfort and increases satisfaction throughout the encounter.

Why this position works

It's the moment when desire builds on a slow burn and, for many people —especially those with a vulva—, it's essential to truly enjoy sex. Anticipation, playfulness and attention to your partner create arousal and closeness that improve everything. Taking care of foreplay means taking care of your partner.

Deep Intimacy Sensory Exploration Relaxation and Surrender Easy Non-Penetrative Interaction

Variations of this position

Variation 1: kisses and caresses, the body map

Two people kissing and caressing each other, exploring the body.

Exploring the body with kisses and caresses, discovering erogenous zones beyond the obvious.

  1. Start with kisses and caresses, no rush.
  2. Explore the neck, ears, back, thighs.
  3. Gradually increase the intensity.

Variation 2: adding oral and manual play

Oral and manual stimulation as part of foreplay.

Adding oral and manual sex as part of foreplay greatly increases arousal.

  1. Start with your hands over clothing or on the thighs and belly before going to the genitals.
  2. Use lube or saliva on your fingers so touch is smooth, and keep nails short.
  3. Add your mouth gradually, alternating with your hands, and ask what pressure and rhythm feel best.
  4. If you want to lower the risk of STIs, use a condom or a dental dam for oral sex.

Variation 3: sensual massage

One partner lies down and the other massages them slowly with oil or lotion before moving on to more intimate touch.

Instead of both partners touching at once, one lies face down or face up and simply receives, while the other gives a slow, full-body massage. It lowers tension and builds anticipation; the roles can then be swapped.

  1. Warm the room and the oil or lotion in your hands first.
  2. One partner lies down comfortably; the other starts with back, shoulders and legs.
  3. Use slow, broad strokes and gradually move towards the inner thighs and hips.
  4. Swap roles, or move on to kisses and caresses when you both feel like it.

Variation 4: words and anticipation

Desire starts before touching: messages, whispered words and saying what you would like to do.

The focus moves from touch to words and expectation. It can start hours earlier with messages, or face to face, close together, whispering before any caress. It suits partners who enjoy building tension slowly.

  1. Agree on what you both feel comfortable saying or hearing.
  2. Start earlier with a message or a suggestion of what you would like to do.
  3. When you are together, stay close and whisper before touching.
  4. Combine the words with slow kisses and caresses, and check in with each other.

✓ Tips
  • Don't rush: foreplay often needs more time than it usually gets.
  • Explore beyond the genitals: neck, ears, thighs, back.
  • Words and anticipation can be as arousing as touch.
  • Ask, and pay attention to what your partner enjoys most.
  • Foreplay can come back at any point in the encounter, not just at the start.
  • If you add oral sex, a condom or a dental dam lowers the risk of STIs.
Interaction type
Prior stimulation (preliminaries)
Active anatomy
Hands / Mouth / Words
Receptive anatomy
Body / Erogenous zones
Main stimulation
Multiple / Sensory / Desire
Setups and participants
Couple · 2 people GayHeteroLesbianNon-binary / any

Frequently asked questions

How long should foreplay last?

As long as you both need. For many people, especially those with a vulva, more time means more arousal and natural lubrication.

Is it essential?

It isn't compulsory, but for most people it greatly improves arousal, lubrication and satisfaction.

Is it only before sex?

No. Kisses, caresses and oral or manual play can mix in throughout the whole encounter, or be the whole encounter.

Do we need protection for oral sex?

Oral sex can transmit some STIs. A condom on the penis or a dental dam on the vulva or anus reduces that risk.

Sources and references

  • Literatura de sexología clínica y ergonomía sexual

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