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The Missionary: face to face, with the partner on top between the legs

The Missionary is the best-known sex position: one partner lies on their back and the other lies on top, face to face, between their legs. It lets you kiss, look at each other and keep a lot of skin in contact, and it is easy for most bodies. The partner on top usually sets the pace and carries some of their own weight on their arms, while the partner underneath can change the angle simply by moving their legs.

Also known as: Missionary position · Missionary · Man on top

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Illustration of The Missionary: One person lies on their back with legs slightly apart and knees bent; their partner positions themselves on top, between their legs, supporting their weight on
Anatomy and biomechanics

The receiving partner lies on their back with their head on a pillow, knees bent and spread; one leg can wrap around the partner's hip. The penetrating partner lies on top, face to face and chest close to chest, kneeling between their legs. They take their weight on their knees and on one hand or forearm placed on the bed beside the partner's shoulder, which leaves the other hand free to hold their side or caress them. The partner on top usually leads the rhythm; the one underneath adjusts depth and angle with their legs: wrapped around the hips, the pelvis tilts up and penetration can go a little deeper. Kissing is easy, but the person underneath bears some of the other's weight.

Why this position works

Many couples like it for the closeness: faces near enough to kiss, eye contact and a lot of skin-to-skin contact. It needs no balance and little effort for the person underneath, while the person on top uses their arms to avoid putting all their weight down. You can move from slow to faster without changing position, and it is the starting point for many variations. For clitoral stimulation, many people need to add a hand or use the coital alignment technique; sensations vary from person to person.

Deep Intimacy Relaxation and Surrender Easy Penis-Vagina Configuration

Variations of this position

Variation 1: coital alignment technique (CAT), more pubic contact on the clitoris

Like missionary, but the partner on top slides forward, resting their chest on their partner's shoulders; the movement is a pelvic rocking.

The partner on top slides their body towards the headboard so that the base of the pubis presses the clitoris with each movement. Replace the back-and-forth motion with a rhythmic rocking that maintains constant contact.

  1. Get into the basic missionary position.
  2. Slide your body towards the headboard until your pubis rubs against the clitoris.
  3. Replace the back-and-forth motion with a short pelvic rocking, keeping the bodies together.

Variation 2: legs on the shoulders, deeper penetration

The partner underneath raises their legs and rests their ankles or calves on the shoulders of the partner on top, who leans forward.

The receiver lifts both legs and rests the ankles or calves on the partner's shoulders; the hips flex strongly and the pelvis tilts up. The partner on top supports themselves on their hands with straight arms instead of lying chest to chest. This angle allows the deepest penetration in the missionary family, which some people enjoy and others find uncomfortable, so depth should be built up gradually.

  1. From the basic missionary, the receiving partner lifts both legs.
  2. Rest your ankles or calves on your partner's shoulders.
  3. The partner on top straightens their arms with the hands on the bed and leans forward slowly.
  4. Start with shallow movements; stop or lower the legs if there is pain deep inside.

Variation 3: a cushion under the hips

Like the missionary, with a firm cushion under the hips of the person on the bottom to elevate the pelvis.

A firm cushion under the receiver's hips raises the pelvis and changes the angle of penetration towards the front wall of the vagina, which some people find more pleasurable. The partner on top does not need to lower their hips as much, so it can be more comfortable for them too.

  1. Place a firm cushion or folded pillow under the hips of the receiving partner.
  2. Get into the missionary position with the pelvis already raised.
  3. Adjust the height of the cushion until the angle feels comfortable for both of you.

Variation 4: legs together, a snugger fit

Once penetration has begun, the partner underneath brings their legs together and stretches them out, and the partner on top keeps their knees outside.

Instead of being bent and open, the receiver's legs are closed and straight, with the partner on top straddling them, knees on the outside. Penetration is shallower, but closing the thighs creates a tighter feeling and more friction at the entrance and on the vulva, which some couples enjoy. It is easier to start in the basic position and close the legs afterwards.

  1. Start in the basic missionary with penetration already under way.
  2. The partner on top moves their knees, one at a time, to the outside of the other's legs.
  3. The partner underneath brings their legs together and stretches them out.
  4. Use short movements; add lubricant if the friction feels too strong.

Variation 5: knees pulled up to the chest

The partner underneath pulls their knees towards their chest and holds them with their hands, while the partner on top stays kneeling between their legs.

The receiver folds the legs and pulls the knees towards the chest, holding them behind the knees; the pelvis tilts up and the entrance is more exposed. The partner on top kneels a little more upright, supported on the hands. Penetration can be deeper than in the basic missionary, but less than with the legs on the shoulders, and the person underneath controls it by how far they pull the knees in.

  1. From the basic missionary, the receiving partner bends both legs and brings the knees towards the chest.
  2. Hold them behind the knees with your hands, without forcing the stretch.
  3. The partner on top rises a little onto their hands and adjusts the height of their hips.
  4. Go slowly at first; to reduce depth, simply let the knees drop a little.

Variation 6: the partner on top kneeling upright

The partner on top kneels upright between the other's legs and holds their hips or thighs, instead of lying chest to chest.

The partner on top straightens the torso and kneels upright, sitting slightly back on their heels, with the hands on the other's hips or thighs; the receiver's pelvis rests on the top of their thighs. Nobody bears anyone's weight and both partners can see each other's whole body, but kissing is no longer possible. The hands of either partner are free to stimulate the clitoris.

  1. From the basic missionary, the partner on top straightens up until they are kneeling with the torso upright.
  2. Bring the receiver's hips close and let them rest on your thighs; a cushion underneath helps.
  3. Hold their hips or thighs to guide the movement.
  4. Either of you can use a hand on the clitoris if you wish.

✓ Tips
  • Keep your weight on your knees and on a hand or forearm; don't let it all fall on your partner's chest.
  • A firm pillow under the hips of the person underneath changes the angle; try it and see whether you both prefer it.
  • Use a condom to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections and lubricant if there is dryness or friction.
  • If you want clitoral stimulation, slide a hand between your bodies or try the coital alignment technique (variation 1).
  • Common mistake: going deep straight away; start gently and let the person underneath guide depth with their legs.
Interaction type
Face-to-face vaginal penetration
Active anatomy
Penis
Receptive anatomy
Vagina and vulva
Main stimulation
Vaginal penetration face to face; possible pubic rubbing on the clitoris depending on the angle
Setups and participants
Couple · 2 people GayHeteroLesbien

Frequently asked questions

Is it good for getting pregnant?

It is often mentioned because penetration can be deep, but no position has been shown to make conception more likely.

Does it work with a big height difference?

It can, but with a large difference it is hard to line up faces and hips at the same time: you may have to choose between kissing and penetration. A pillow under the hips of the person underneath helps.

Can I do it with back pain?

It depends on the cause. The person underneath carries no weight, and a cushion under the hips may feel more comfortable for some; the person on top works with their arms and back. If it hurts, stop and try a side position.

Does it stimulate the clitoris?

Not much on its own for many people. The coital alignment technique or a hand between your bodies usually helps.

Sources and references

  • Literatura de sexología clínica y ergonomía sexual

Reviewed by the editorial team ·

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