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Physical effort: Low Seated

Tantric Sex (Slow Sex): a slow, seated face-to-face embrace

Tantric sex, or slow sex, is less a position than a way of having sex: slowing down, breathing together and paying attention to what you feel, without chasing orgasm. Its reference position is a seated embrace on a chair, face to face and chest to chest, with almost no movement. From there you can choose very still vaginal penetration, rubbing, or simply staying in the embrace.

Also known as: Tantra · Slow sex · Tantric sex · Mindful sex · Conscious sex · Yab-yum

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Illustration of Tantric Sex (Slow Sex): Tantric sex is a slow approach to sex that puts breathing, presence and connection before the goal of orgasm. Its reference position is a seated embrace: one pa
Anatomy and biomechanics

One partner sits upright on a sturdy, armless chair, feet flat on the floor and knees bent, hands resting on the other partner's lower back and waist. The other partner sits astride their lap, facing them, knees bent and opening to each side of the chair, toes resting lightly on the floor or on the chair rungs, arms over the seated partner's shoulders. Chests, cheeks or foreheads touch, so eye contact and kissing are easy. The rhythm is shared and minimal: you breathe together and move only slightly. If there is vaginal penetration, it is shallow and almost still; you can also rub gently or stay in the embrace without genital contact. The weight of the partner on top rests on the seated partner's thighs.

Why this position works

Some couples find that slowing down takes the pressure off and lets them notice sensations they usually rush past. The seated embrace keeps the bodies in broad contact, with faces close and eye contact, and asks for very little effort. Letting go of orgasm as the goal can make sex feel more relaxed and connected for some people. Experiences vary: for others it simply becomes a calm way of being together.

Deep Intimacy Relaxation and Surrender Self-Discovery Easy Non-Penetrative Interaction Penis-Vagina Configuration Vulva-to-Vulva Configuration

Variations of this position

Variation 1: synchronised breathing, forehead to forehead

In the same chair embrace, you rest forehead to forehead and each places a hand on the other's chest to follow their breathing, without moving the pelvis.

The bodies stay in the same position, but pelvic movement stops and the focus shifts to breathing: one hand leaves the back and rests on the partner's breastbone. It is the usual way to begin, before any movement.

  1. Get into the seated embrace, with the partner on top astride the lap of the partner on the chair.
  2. Rest your foreheads together and close your eyes if that feels comfortable.
  3. Each of you places a hand on the other's chest.
  4. Breathe slowly until your breathing falls into step, without moving the pelvis.

Variation 2: held gaze, with the torsos slightly apart

The partner on top leans back slightly, held by the seated partner's hands on the back, so you can look into each other's eyes without straining the neck.

The torsos move a few centimetres apart and the partner on top lets some weight rest on the seated partner's hands and on their own arms over the partner's shoulders. Chest contact is lost, but you are eye to eye and the pelvises stay in contact.

  1. From the seated embrace, the partner on the chair holds the other's lower back firmly.
  2. The partner on top leans back a little, arms straight over the seated partner's shoulders.
  3. Look into each other's eyes without forcing it, blinking normally.
  4. Keep breathing slowly and return to the embrace whenever you like.

Variation 3: yab-yum, on the floor with crossed legs

The same face-to-face embrace, but without a chair: the partner underneath sits cross-legged on the floor or the bed, and the partner on top wraps their legs around the other's waist.

Without the chair, the partner underneath sits on the floor with the legs crossed, and the partner on top no longer has the feet on the floor: they wrap their legs around the other's waist and cross the ankles behind. All the weight rests on the crossed legs of the partner underneath, so a cushion under their buttocks eases the hips and back.

  1. The partner who will be underneath sits cross-legged on the floor or the bed, with a firm cushion under the buttocks.
  2. The partner on top sits on their thighs, facing them.
  3. They wrap their legs around the other's waist and cross the ankles behind their back.
  4. Embrace, rest forehead to forehead and synchronise your breathing.

Variation 4: without penetration, with slow caresses

The same chair embrace, without penetration: hands move slowly over the back, the nape and the sides, and the pelvises only brush together.

The position does not change, but there is no penetration: the partner on top sits a little further back on the thighs, leaving both partners' hands free to caress. It is useful to begin with, when penetration is not wanted or is uncomfortable, or when the couple does not include it.

  1. Get into the seated embrace, with the partner on top sitting a little further back on the other's thighs.
  2. Synchronise your breathing for a few minutes.
  3. Very slowly, run your hands over each other's back, nape and sides.
  4. If you like, let the pelvises brush gently together, without aiming for any outcome.

✓ Tips
  • Use a sturdy chair without wheels or armrests, placed on a non-slip floor.
  • Start by synchronising your breathing before you move, and keep the movement minimal.
  • The partner on top should keep some weight on the toes so as not to load the seated partner's thighs completely; change position if the legs go numb.
  • If there is penetration, use lubricant and keep it shallow and still; a condom protects against STIs.
  • Letting go of orgasm as the goal does not mean avoiding it: if it comes, welcome it.
  • Stop or change position if anything hurts.
Interaction type
Slow seated face-to-face embrace with synchronised breathing; optional vaginal penetration or rubbin
Active anatomy
Whole body and breathing; penis (optional)
Receptive anatomy
Whole body; vulva and vagina (optional)
Main stimulation
Seated face-to-face embrace with broad body contact; optional still vaginal penetration or gentle ru
Setups and participants
Couple · 2 people GayHeteroLesbian

Frequently asked questions

Do I need training or experience?

No. You can start with the basics: sit in the embrace, breathe together, slow down and pay attention to what you feel.

Do you have to give up orgasm?

No. It simply stops being the only goal. Some people find that this makes sex more relaxed; it is not a guarantee of anything.

Is there penetration?

It is optional. In the seated embrace there can be shallow, almost still vaginal penetration, gentle rubbing, or just the embrace and breathing.

Can we do it without a chair?

Yes. The classic version, yab-yum, is done on the floor or the bed, with the seated partner cross-legged and a cushion under the buttocks (variation 3).

Sources and references

  • Literatura de sexología clínica y ergonomía sexual

Reviewed by the editorial team ·

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