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Physical effort: Low Self-exploration

Intimate Spooning: side-lying solo masturbation with gentle finger penetration

Intimate Spooning is a solo masturbation technique for people with a vulva, done lying on one side as if you were the little spoon. With your head on the pillow, the lower leg stays straight and the upper leg bends and rests forward on the bed, which opens access to the vulva without effort. The upper hand reaches down in front of your body to stroke the vulva and, if you like, to penetrate gently with one or two fingers. It is a very low-effort, relaxed position that lets you take your time; despite the name, it is not a couple's spooning position.

Also known as: Side-lying masturbation

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Illustration of Intimate Spooning: Solo technique lying on your side: the lower leg stays straight, the upper leg bends forward, and the upper hand reaches between the thighs for slow, gentle pen
Anatomy and biomechanics

Lie on your side on the bed, head on a pillow, body slightly curled. The lower arm can fold under the pillow. Keep the lower leg straight and bend the upper leg at the hip and knee, drawing it forward until the knee rests on the bed in front of you. This opens the thighs and leaves the vulva within easy reach. The upper hand comes down in front of the body, between the thighs: you can start by stroking the labia and the clitoris and then, if you want, slide one or two fingers into the vagina. With fingers, penetration is shallow; slow movements, a light curve of the fingers or pressure with the heel of the hand on the vulva are all options. Your own body sets the rhythm.

Why this position works

Many people like it because it is comfortable and calm: lying on your side, no muscle has to work hard and you can stay in the position for a long time. Bending the upper leg makes access easy without opening the legs wide, which some people find more relaxing. You control the rhythm and the pressure completely, so it is a good way to explore what you like. It also feels natural in bed before sleeping or when you want something quiet.

Relaxation and Surrender Self-Discovery Easy Self-stimulation

Variations of this position

Variation 1: with a toy

Same side-lying position, but the upper hand holds a vibrator or a small dildo instead of using the fingers.

The body position does not change: lying on your side with the upper leg bent forward. The upper hand holds a toy, which can rest on the vulva and clitoris (vibrator) or be inserted gently (dildo). The bent leg keeps the toy within reach without twisting the wrist.

  1. Wash the toy and, if you like, put a little water-based lubricant on it (check it is compatible with the toy's material).
  2. Lie on your side with the lower leg straight and the upper leg bent forward.
  3. Start by resting the toy on the vulva at a low intensity or pace.
  4. Insert it slowly only if you want to, and adjust the angle by moving the upper knee.

Variation 2: with clitoral massage

The lower hand comes out from under the pillow to stroke the clitoris while the fingers of the upper hand penetrate.

Instead of resting under the pillow, the lower arm reaches down along the front of the body to the clitoris, while the upper hand keeps penetrating gently. Lying on the lower arm limits its reach a little, so a slightly more curled position helps.

  1. Lie on your side with the upper leg bent forward and curl your body a little more.
  2. Bring the lower arm out from under the pillow and down in front of your body.
  3. Use the fingers of that hand to stroke the clitoris in small circles.
  4. With the upper hand, penetrate slowly with one or two fingers and coordinate both rhythms.

Variation 3: hand reaching from behind

The upper hand reaches the vulva from behind, between the buttocks and the thighs, instead of from the front.

The body stays on its side with the upper leg bent forward, which opens the space between the thighs from behind as well. The upper arm goes behind the body and the hand reaches the vulva from below the buttocks. The angle of the fingers changes and they press more on the back wall of the entrance, which some people find a pleasant change.

  1. Lie on your side and bend the upper leg further forward to open space behind.
  2. Take the upper arm behind your body, over the hip.
  3. Slide the hand between the buttocks and the thighs until you reach the vulva.
  4. Stroke first and penetrate gently with one or two fingers if you want; go back to the front if the shoulder gets tired.

✓ Tips
  • Wash your hands and keep your nails short and smooth before penetrating with your fingers.
  • Use a water-based lubricant if you feel dry; it makes touch and penetration more comfortable.
  • Start outside, on the labia and the clitoris, and only penetrate once you feel relaxed and aroused.
  • Put a pillow between your knees or under the upper knee if your hip gets tired.
  • If you use a toy, clean it before and after, and use one designed for intimate use.
  • Mistake: forcing penetration. Do not push if it hurts; slow down or stay outside.
Interaction type
Side-lying solo masturbation with vaginal penetration using the fingers
Active anatomy
Fingers of the hand
Receptive anatomy
Vulva, clitoris and vagina
Main stimulation
Stimulation of the vulva and clitoris, with gentle vaginal penetration using the fingers
Setups and participants
Solo (him) · 1 person Alone

Frequently asked questions

Do I need lubricant?

It is not essential, but a water-based lubricant makes touch and finger penetration more comfortable, especially if you feel dry.

How many fingers should I use?

Whatever feels comfortable. Start with one and add another only if your body feels ready; there is no right number.

Can I add clitoral stimulation?

Yes. The heel of the same hand can press on the clitoris while the fingers penetrate, or you can use the other hand if you free it from under the pillow (see the variations).

Is it a couple's position?

No. Despite the name, it is a solo technique; the word spooning refers to the curled, side-lying posture.

Reviewed by the editorial team ·

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